


After Dinner Mint

by vol_ctrl



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Beelzebub Has a Penis (Good Omens), Beelzebub Has a Vulva (Good Omens), Bureaucracy, Crossover, Food Kink, For a joke, Gabriel Being an Asshole (Good Omens), Gabriel Has a Penis (Good Omens), Gabriel is Asexual, He/Him Pronouns for Gabriel, Holiday Fic Exchange, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), M/M, Negotiations, Power Dynamics, The Arrangement (Good Omens), They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens), Top Gabriel, bratty bottom, meetings, power bottom beelzebub, well an arrangement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-17 23:22:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21851350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vol_ctrl/pseuds/vol_ctrl
Summary: Beelzebub gets so bored with Gabriel's incessant work ethic during their meetings. Gabriel is forced to bribe the Lord of Hell into paying attention.
Relationships: Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 46
Collections: O Lord Heal This Gift Exchange





	After Dinner Mint

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DragonBiblio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonBiblio/gifts).



> This isn't so much a crossover with The Good Place as it is me shoehorning in The Good Place's main poor unfortunate souls in for a joke.
> 
> Wrote this based on a prompt by **DragonBiblio** for the O Lord Heal This Server stocking exchange! Happy happy, Sev! Hope you enjoy ~

“As you can see--on page three of the docket…” 

Gabriel was  _ still  _ talking and it was all Beelzebub could do to distract themself from strangling him. This was the primary reason for their “third optimal meeting place”--an upscale restaurant with a private dining room that could always be made available at a moment’s notice for two particular VIPs. Gabriel would perform the meeting as he saw fit, replete with a to-do list  _ for  _ the meeting, dockets and forms in triplicate, paperwork  _ about  _ paperwork, and, if the quarter had been particularly busy, the occasional dreaded powerpoint. Meanwhile, Beelzebub would work their way slowly through the menu and masticate their irritation with Gabriel’s endless prattling on several courses of dinner and dessert.

“... Beelzebub? Beelzebub.”

The demon allowed Gabriel their attention, but didn’t bother hiding their boredom with whatever he was about to say. “Don’t be zzo familiar,  _ Gabriel. _ ”

Gabriel leveled the Lord of Hell with an unamused look that bordered on scoffing. “This is a serious matter.”

“I wazzn’t lizztening,” Beelzebub muttered.

“Yes. Apparently you don’t know how to eat and listen at the same time,” Gabriel said without raising his eyes from his paperwork. With barely a whisper of warning, the pages slipped from his hand as a dull butter knife flew from the demon’s side of the table to plunge right through the docket. Lavender eyes slowly lifted to find Beelzebub looking bored and unaffected, except for the tell-tale hint of a crease between their eyebrows.

“Charming.” Gabriel flashed a smile as he yanked the knife free. “This meeting would go a lot faster if you would just work with me, here. Then we could both be out of each other’s hair.”

On the one hand, Beelzebub badly wanted to be anywhere but stuck in a meeting with the Archangel Gabriel; on the other hand, annoying him was one of the few things they liked in this world.

“As I was saying… There are four souls that seem to have been filed in a non-standard format. If you could share your files for the four humans listed on page five,” Gabriel went on dryly.

Beelzebub licked their fork and sat back with a sigh. With a snap of their fingers, they tilted their chair back and kicked their heels up onto the fine white tablecloth. Silverware rattled and glasses clinked with the force of their boots, and a stained, rumpled packet of papers appeared in Beelzebub’s hand with a sizzle.

“Eleanor Shellstrop, hm?” Beelzebub read off the smudged headline from Dagon’s own report.

There was a knock at the door and a waiter poked his head in. “How is everything, gentlemen?” The setting was a bit of an odd scene--on one side of the elegantly set table sat a classically handsome, broad-shouldered man in a dove-gray suit with naught but a glass of water and paperwork before him; on the other sat a small, mean-faced person in an old-fashioned suit absolutely surrounded by plates and dishes, with their ankles crossed on the table, only narrowly avoiding putting their heel in one of the spent plates.

“Just swell, thank you,” Gabriel said in a short voice. He had nearly gotten Beelzebub on task and he was not going to be sent off course by this inconvenient human.

“I’m ready for dezzert,” Beelzebub drawled. “One of everything--mm, two pot de creme. And have the chef whip up zzomething zzpecial. I want to try zzomething interezzting.”

Gabriel glared across the table.

Beelzebub smiled at the human waiter.

“Of course, sir,” the waiter replied and bowed himself out.

Gabriel’s glare lingered until he returned to the docket. “Yes, Eleanor Shellstrop is one of yours, I’m sure. But this… Chidi Anagonye appears to be one of ours. Aside from the bit about the almond milk.”

Beelzebub rolled their eyes. Heaven’s stupid standards.

“These four have been showing up in both Heaven and Hell intermittently. It’s causing quite a jam up in processing. There seems to be some kind of issue with their Fates…”

Beelzebub was forced to listen to Gabriel and do some actual work, but they wheedled and meandered into tangents to prevent much from getting done. And to watch Gabriel leer and fidget with mounting annoyance.

The desserts arrived in short order, along with another few humans to clear the large table of dishes. The waiter brought a complimentary bottle of port to go with the dessert course, and poured two glasses between the dining companions staring coldly into each other’s eyes, Beelzebub with a lilt of pleasure, Gabriel without any warmth at all.

Once the humans left, Gabriel sighed. “Now where were we…”

“Dezzert,” Beelzebub said, lifting their glass of port. “You can’t do biznezz over dezzert.”

“I thought dessert was for  _ closing  _ business deals. But we haven’t even gone through half of the--”

“Zzhut it,” Beelzebub snapped lazily. “Drink your port.” The Lord of Hell sipped at their own.

“I do not sully the temple of my celestial body with--”

“Enough with that! Drink,” Beelzebub insisted.

“I’ve had more than enough of you weaseling your way out of work, Beelzebub. I don’t want to have to sit here with you anymore than you do.”

Beelzebub smirked. “You  _ do. _ ” The demon eyed Gabriel over their glass, enjoying that scowl on the archangel’s handsome face. “Otherwizze why would you chooze to meet here?” They raised an eyebrow.

Gabriel scoffed. “You’re even more insufferable when you’re cranky and without  _ any _ vices to keep you occupied.”

“Hmm… and you wouldn’t want to have to supply me with any vicezz yourzzelf.” Beelzebub sank back in their chair.

Gabriel saw just a peek of the demon’s tongue as they took a long, thoughtful drink of port. He well knew Beelzebub’s vices--the whole smorgasboard of sin. The Lord of Hell was a well known glutton for the variety of gross matter on offer here on the mortal plane. Though Gabriel knew Beelzebub to be as much of a stickler for paperwork as himself, they seemed all too happy to indulge in sloth when it came to their quarterly meetings. The demon’s wrath was well documented, as displayed by the conspicuous hole in Gabriel’s docket. Their pride dragged out the proceedings--Beelzebub was too important to be bothered with Gabriel’s Heavenly end of the business. But if there was one deadly sin that Beelzebub prized above even their voracious appetite for food, it was their insatiable lust.

Gabriel was no stranger to that lust, but he found the vice a waste of time. It was a simple enough lever to apply, an appeal to Beelzebub’s undivided attention. Gabriel didn’t like to make a habit of indulging the Lord of Hell--that would only encourage the behavior--but he knew what must be done. Strictly business.

“You know how much I enjoy it here,” the Lord of Hell mused, their eyes glittering over the spread of desserts. “If I didn’t know better, I’d zzay you’re zzweet on me, Mezzenger.”

Gabriel smirked. “I know how to get what I want out of you.”

Beelzebub lifted a brow. “You’re not doing a very good job of it,” they drawled. The demon put down their port and dragged the first dessert over. They dipped a small silver spoon into the thick chocolate mousse and brought it to their lips, watching Gabriel all the while.

The archangel’s lips twitched into a frown.

“You know what to do,” Beelzebub said lightly.

“Now, this is just over-indulgent,” Gabriel complained.

“Do you want my help sorting out thizz mezzz or not?”

The archangel planted his palms on the table with a sigh and stood up. “Fine,” he relented and reached for his fly.

Beelzebub scoffed. “Don’t get ahead of yourzzelf, Gabriel,” they sneered.

Gabriel very nearly rolled his eyes. “It’s all the same means to an end,” he said in a stale tone.

“Zzayzz you,” Beelzebub snorted.

Gabriel walked around the table and stood expectantly at Beelzebub’s side. The Lord of Hell leaned on the arm of their chair and peered up at Gabriel. Beelzebub really was quite petulant for being so demanding. The angel grabbed the arm of the demon’s chair and dragged it to the side, looming over them.

“What is it that you want this time?”

Beelzebub grinned as their fingers crept up Gabriel’s front, snatching his tie and pulling it free from where it had been neatly tucked in his coat. “We’ve done thizz enough timezz… I’m zzure you can come up with zzomething.”

“Unlike you, I don’t spend my valuable time day-dreaming of sin,” Gabriel reminded Beelzebub.

“That’zz not true,” Beelzebub countered. “Don’t you like day-dreaming of wayzz to thwart the forcezz of Hell?” They pulled Gabriel forward by his tie until the angel’s lips met their own.

Gabriel had once been overwhelmed by the sensations experienced in this corporeal form. The flavors, too--the remnants of sweets on Beelzebub’s lips, the salt and sweat of their skin, the musk-tang of their essence. But he was the Archangel Fucking Gabriel--he wouldn’t  _ admit  _ that he was shaken by such stimuli, especially not to his immortal adversary.

Beelzebub’s tongue passed over his lower lip, and he tasted chocolate, sweetened by the heat of the devil’s mouth. Gabriel pulled back and grabbed the demon’s wrist as they tried to wrench him forward by his tie. He removed their hand and stood back to unbutton his coat. After he doffed his coat and hung it on the back of a vacant chair, he unbuttoned the cuffs of his sleeves and rolled them up to his elbows.

“Mm, you alwayzz take your work zzo zzeriouzzly,” Beelzebub admired and took another heavy-laden spoonful of mousse between their lips.

“If you’re going to do something right,” Gabriel said before he lowered himself to his knees in front of the Lord of Hell. He could see the way Beelzebub’s arousal bulged at the sight, and he shot the demon a smirk. It amused the archangel that his nemesis was so easily affected by the mere promise of his intimate attention.

Beelzebub was practically drooling around their spoon as the handsome archangel knelt willingly between their parted legs. Gabriel was so business-like about it, no preamble before he was unbuttoning their slacks. 

The first few times, Beelzebub had really cranked up the temptation, told Gabriel precisely what to do. It seemed to make Gabriel uncomfortable, which only added to Beelzebub’s enjoyment. Alas, the archangel seemed to have done his research by the time Beelzebub tempted him again--much to the demon’s benefit, it turned out. Now, Gabriel was efficient, and surprisingly lewd.

Gabriel took the demon’s cock in hand and bent to bless the tip with spit. The angel thought it much more efficient to just miracle some slickness, but he was rewarded with that tell-tale sigh of pleasure from the prince. The visual effect seemed to be just as powerful as the physical aspect. As he worked his spit over the head with his hand, he dipped lower to lave Beelzebub’s cock from root to tip.

Beelzebub spread their thighs as wide as the chair allowed and tilted their head with lazy appreciation. Not to be distracted from their meal, the demon continued enjoying their edible dessert in tandem with their physical one. Gabriel had the art of sucking cock down to a science, working his mouth and hand in perfect harmony.

As Beelzebub reached for their next plate, Gabriel made sure the demon was paying appropriate attention. Not to be outdone by mere gross matter, he grabbed the demon’s trousers at the hips and pulled them further down. Beelzebub was jerked forward, and their silverware clattered on the table as Gabriel hiked their thighs up, trapped in the legs of their trousers. Before Beelzebub could be annoyed, Gabriel was between their thighs, greeting their wet cunt with his tongue.

The Lord of Hell moaned and gripped at the back of the chair to steady themself. Gabriel was pleased to have Beelzebub’s full attention--not to mention the Lord of Hell tangled up in a vulnerable position. The angel dragged a ragged breath out of Beelzebub as he supped on their slick folds, strong hands holding the demon’s thighs firmly.

“F-fucker…” Beelzebub growled with a breathless grin.

“Are you sufficiently aroused?” Gabriel asked, angling his head to look around Beelzebub’s thighs. He couldn’t help but smirk at the sight of the demon bent and contorted so.

“Thizz izz undignified,” Beelzebub muttered, their cheeks an uncharacteristic flush.

One of Gabriel’s hands came to their exposed sex, sliding square fingertips over the sensitive flesh. He could feel a tremble work its way up the thigh trapped in his grip. “You said come up with something,” Gabriel reminded the demon as he worked his fingertip against their entrance. He went through the steps--turned his wrist, penetrated Beelzebub’s yielding hole with his middle finger, curled his digit as he worked it back and forth.

Beelzebub arched as much as they could from their position, infuriated by how good Gabriel was at pleasuring them. Meanwhile, the archangel looked mostly unaffected--if anything, he looked goddamn  _ smug  _ while he was doing it. It was a raw deal, a being of lust incapable of patience or love, twisted up and full of hunger for a being of love with so little interest in sex.

Gabriel did have  _ some _ interest. Given the upper hand with the Lord of Hell about anything was bound to pique an archangel's interest. "Are you ready to get back to business yet?"

"Fuck you," Beelzebub huffed.

“If you use that kind of language, no one is getting fucked tonight,” Gabriel warned, all the while rolling his finger inside the demon.

Beelzebub growled and snapped irritably. Their trousers disappeared and Beelzebub grabbed Gabriel’s wrist to jerk his hand from holding their thighs. Their legs landed heavily on Gabriel’s shoulders and they cinched their ankles behind his head. With their other hand, they grabbed a handful of his hair and forced him down on their clit. The angel landed hard, teeth jarring against their pubic bone, and Beelzebub moaned sharply.

Gabriel knew Beelzebub was getting close to demanding his effort. Although he didn’t experience desire the same way Beelzebub did, their lust had some effect on him. He had learned the benefits of pleasures of the flesh-- _ pleasure  _ was the key word. Even sexual pleasure could be divine.

His tongue traced from where a second finger joined the first inside the demon up to their throbbing clit. He sucked noisily at the swollen bud and Beelzebub’s cock pulsed, brushing against his nose. 

As Beelzebub’s thighs tensed, the demon shifted and planted a foot on his shoulder, shoving him back. The Lord of Hell scraped their chair back and knocked it over as they stood. Eyes wild, Beelzebub grabbed Gabriel by the tie and dragged him to his feet as they swept a careless hand over the plates in their way on the table. The demon sat on the edge of the table and wrapped Gabriel’s tie around their hand, demanding his lips crushed against their own. They could taste themself all over Gabriel’s mouth.

Gabriel ran his hands over Beelzebub’s thighs. In their unscarred, unmottled human form, Gabriel could almost find them beautiful. It was in these moments of intense passion that he found himself moving not through the steps, but on a kind of instinct he thought angels lacked.

Beelzebub’s thighs drew him closer and Gabriel swiftly undid his fly. As he rubbed his cock against Beelzebub’s dripping cunt, the demon groaned and leaned back, dragging Gabriel with them. They knocked over the glasses of port and the sweet tang filled the room. The demon kept the archangel’s lips busy as Gabriel pressed inside of them.

Beelzebub had always been impressed with the size of Gabriel’s effort. Then again, the Archangel Fucking Gabriel was a proud angel. Even if he thought he was above such base desires, he was not to be out done. The demon groaned loudly into Gabriel’s mouth, unable to smother the grin that bloomed on their lips.

Plates rattled as Gabriel fucked Beelzebub into the table. Distantly, they heard a glass shatter as it rolled off the table, but neither of them could have cared less. Beelzebub was wild for the way Gabriel plowed them, all righteous passion and an unrelenting grip on their body. If they didn’t know better, they’d think Gabriel  _ liked  _ fucking them senseless. He had certainly made a study of it.

Gabriel found himself wishing more of Beelzebub was bare, the thought coming unbidden. It shouldn’t matter how much of the demon was uncovered when Gabriel was merely fucking them to get some damn work done, but this was the first time Beelzebub’s thighs were completely bare. The skin felt  _ sinfully  _ soft under his grip, yielding in a way wholly different than when he touched them through their trousers.

Beelzebub was too much enjoying a good, angelic dicking to notice Gabriel’s wandering hands. They panted as they felt Gabriel slow his pace, cracking open an eye at the angel. The angel had a strange look in his eyes, those lavender eyes deep under a creased brow. His hands dragged up Beelzebub’s torso, then suddenly grabbed either side of their shirt and tore it open.

Beelzebub sucked in a breath and looked at Gabriel in shock. They slapped his hands away and pulled their shirt closed, braced up on an elbow, jacket smeared with chocolate. Gabriel bottomed out inside the demon and stilled for a moment. He didn’t speak, though he was breathing nearly as hard as Beelzebub. One broad palm slid up Beelzebub’s stomach, under the shirt freshly relieved of its buttons.

The demon frowned. This was unusual. Gabriel had a routine. Was this a new part of it? They didn’t care for the thought of being  _ so  _ bare under Gabriel’s gaze. Seemed unfair, considering Gabriel was almost entirely clothed. But they couldn’t deny Gabriel’s hands felt  _ good. _

“Don’t get any funny ideazz,” Beelzebub growled. They hesitated for a moment longer, then released their grip holding their shirt closed. Gabriel’s hands slid over their chest, parting the ruined shirt.

Gabriel was surprised to realize that the Lord of Hell had breasts. They were small, enough to cup in his palm, and  _ soft.  _ The archangel couldn’t imagine anything being so soft about the demon. He pulled his palms back, brushing fingertips over the tender swells and was rewarded with a rock of Beelzebub’s hips on his cock.

Beelzebub grabbed one of Gabriel’s wrists and wrenched him closer, bringing the angel’s hand to their lips. They bit his fingers hard enough to hurt, keep him from getting distracted. What was Gabriel doing all of the sudden?

Gabriel’s brow twitched as Beelzebub’s sharp teeth sank into his fingers, and he grabbed one of the demon’s wrists, shoving it to the table. Their pinned wrist exposed their pale, soft torso. In retaliation to his fingers being bitten, he returned the bite in kind, focused on one dark rose nipple.

Beelzebub gasped, releasing the archangel’s fingers as they tensed around his cock. The pulse of their cunt around his cock seemed to encourage him, and he scraped his teeth over the small sweet swell of their breast. Beelzebub moaned and gripped at Gabriel’s hair. The angel started fucking them again, slowly at first, but quickly picking up speed and Beelzebub came undone.

Gabriel broke from Beelzebub’s breast as he felt the prince’s orgasm cinch around his cock, groaning despite himself. This was the divine pleasure that justified his questionable methods of motivating his demonic counterpart. He braced a hand on the table, grunting as he chased his own peak with powerful thrusts. Beelzebub was arching into every thrust, welcoming the ride of their own ecstasy.

With a final jab, Gabriel came. He shuddered, a heavy, pleasured breath released from his core. He looked down at the prince of Hell splayed on the table, hair damp and sticky with spilled port, jacket and thighs smeared with chocolate and caramel. Gabriel held the dubious honor of being one of the very few entities in Creation to see the Lord of Hell so blissed.

“Now,” Gabriel sighed, “can we get some work done?”


End file.
